Milk Shake Translation

Original:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and they’re like, “It’s better than yours”
Damn right, it’s better than yours
I could teach you, but I’d have to charge

Old English:
Mine milkshake bringeth all yon gentlefolk to mine yard
and lo they reply ” ‘Tis better than thine…
“Verily, ’tis better than thine!”
I could apprentice thee, but I wouldst levy a fee

Literal:
My whipped iced dairy drink brings the attentions of many males to my place of residence and/or employment,
and they declare that its quality far surpasses that of yours.
Absolutely, it far surpasses yours.
I could convey to you the proverbial recipe, but I would have to demand compensation.

Limerick:
Through stereophonic tubes
Comes a girl rapping mixes and grooves
and though you would think
Her topic was iced drink
It’s really all about her boobs

Haiku:
Boys, drawn to my yard
Their words in chorus singing
Your milkshake loses